Stunted growth

Preface: This is the first time I actually type what I wrote on paper. Normally I would just type directly. But I like writing much more than typing. Probably because I am missing a good keyboard, and having a great pen. External factors influence my creativity much more than I realize. Also I am very lazy. I find reading my own ideas a waste of time since I have already known them; that was why I could write them down in the first place. But I know it can be beneficial. I can even smoothen out my wordings and whatnot. But I am a very lazy person. Or rather, I live by the thrills a bit too much. 

I also realize, or rather I have always known but chosen to ignore it, that I don't make a whole lot of sense in what I write down. Most of them are emotions. I have been venting feelings through logics.

    Did I made a mistake choosing this way of life? Was choosing to experience what life has to offer actually fixing a path for myself that I won't be able to escape from? Can a person only experience life for a short period and struggle to keep their head above the water the rest of the time? Now the fog starts to clear up. That's life. You hustle for most of your life to experience joy for a fleeting moment. Perhaps that's the key to happiness. That is, to not be happy at all, until you do for a short moment. Be it the slow morning you rarely have, or when a kid finally quiet down on the airplane; the long day is finally ending; you are finally going to die. What will happend after that may not be plesant, but that is none of your concern right there and then. At that point in life, you are happy.

Some people choose to indulge themselves forever in those fleeting moments, using various different techniques which all follow an overarching theme. Some take drugs, others rely on food. Some chase love and sex, others glory in battles. They chase some external sources of pleasure, to which you can always add more, up the dose. Until you feel numb, then pleasure is no more. In the end, you will suffer. And because it ended with such a bad taste, it ruins the whole experience. Not a fun way to go.

Others may choose a bit more restrained approach. Only indulge a little. If you can, not at all. The middle way is not to any extreme, therefore, it is arguably the safest approach (*).

And there are those who burn themselves in pain in order to receive great amount of pleasure afterwards. This attracts most attention from other people, since it is generally the harder thing to do, so it is more impressive. End it with a high note, they say.

But what do all of these have anything to do with experiencing life?

Is experiencing life == indulging in pleasure?

Or is it == suffer in pain? 

It is a matter of a half-filled cup.

In other words, life is fact. And fact doesn't have a mind of its own. It is what it is.  It just exists, and it will just keep existing. So if your sense of "experiencing life" tips to the pleasure side, you may have some troubles later. If it tips to the unproductive side, that is. It is far more accurate to judge the future based on what you do rather than what you are feeling right now. Actions are more "concrete", more set in stone than feelings. 

This is the holistic approach, after all. So we need to consider other possible routes. "The rich gets richer" is the scenario when you experience pleasure, which in turn helps you to be more productive, which in turn gives you even more pleasure. A positive feedback loop. In total, there are three ways about this pleasure-pain cycle:

1. Pleasure generates more pleasure
2. Pain generates more pain
3. Pleasure and pain oscillate 

 This is the answer to the question we have been asking: What will happen in the future if I follow a certain course of actions now? You are asking to take things as a whole and determine the outcome. A deep learning, neural network approach. But we can break things down, reductionism way. Ask yourself: 

• What do you want to feel in the future?
• How far in the future exactly?
• If you want to feel happy, what constitute happiness?

Keep breaking down until you are satisfied with the unit degree, say, an action you can easily manage, or a yes/no question. But if you eventually find out that you cannot influence the outcome in anyway, accept fate. Or fight it. At least now you are: informed.

Footnote

(*) [This is after reading the first draft]: Until very recently, people had always needed to struggle to survive. Now most of them are struggling to live. I think it is like more people are dying because of obesity than of starvation. In a way, a win for ʎʇᴉuɐɯnɥ.