A clear night sky

I’m sitting on my bed looking out the window. It’s a clear night, no cloud. The moon is really bright, comparable to those by the houses doors. Lots of things on my mind, so the nostalgia kept me sitting for a while longer. I have always liked a clear night sky, I just never knew that. This must have been a scene in some movies. I was just thinking about how I can only appreciate aesthetic if it has featured in a movie. I can only understand beauty if someone else feels the same way. Otherwise, I will be stuck seeking for validations.

With anything and everything beautiful being all captured through words, pictures, and videos, will we ever understand ourselves what is beautiful and what is not? Or is it just all in our minds, it is beautiful or ugly if we tell it to be? With this I can say that the camera is both a blessing and a curse. The clock is a tool for modern slavery, but without it is like we cannot count.

We humans are a species that lives in pack. Without a pack, we can’t achieve anything grand. But do we need to feel the same way, as in, to appreciate beauty the same way to work along side each other?

We probably do need it, don’t we. We can’t understand, therefore cannot effectively work with one another if we don’t.

But we also require novelty, and we can’t have novelty if everyone feels the same way about everything.

I believe that a good movie shouldn’t coax its viewers on how to view things. It should just tells the story, and let the viewers feel for themselves whether or not they liked what they just saw. A great movie is one that viewers have different opinions about the same character. A good book, a good manga, a good media, the same applies.

But, it wouldn’t be entertaining if it only has” and then”, right? This happened, and then something else happened, and then something other than that happened, and then …

But and therefore are much more captivating. I learned this from SouthPark creators. Literally, they’ve talked about this in a talkshow.

But “but” and “therefore” are the definition of coaxing. If someone were being mean to you, of course therefore you punch them in the face. But then he got mad and call his gang up on you. Therefore you’re bruised all over. Therefore you plan a revenge. Etc.

See what I mean? The story tells you that this is the way to go. It is what a natural situation would be like.

But, in reality, many other things could have happened. If someone were being mean to you, you could punch them, or you could do something else rather than punching. If they were insulting you, you can ask them why they did that, or insult them back. No need for punching.

Of course, you are still telling “they insulted him, therefore he insulted them back”. But there is little room for the audience to interpret what they should do in that situation. It is more like you are teaching the unexperienced ones a way to act in those situation.

But then again, we watch movies to get entertained, so we make the movies to be whatever that is most entertaining. Educating can be entertaining. You feel good if you learned something new.

I like a clear night sky. I’m afraid if the stars I’ve been seeing are actually planes. I don’t want them to be planes. I want to see something raw and ancient. I feel humbled by their presents. No one told me to feel that way, but I do. At least I wanted to say that. I have read books, have watched so many movies. To the point that I don’t know if those feelings are mine anymore.

But if I can say what I feel out loud, to another person, to a notebook, to a blog page, then maybe I will feel more like myself when I feel the way I do. If I get validation from other people, if they feel the same thing, then… will I get convinced that those feelings are mine? What if they are also under the influence of being told what is beautiful and what is not? Like me?

Maybe someone who I appreciate, who I look up to, appreciate my viewpoints? But then will that be enough to validate my feelings, or it will only mean that I got appreciated, and my self image improved a bit in my eyes because someone I look up to appreciate me?

This feels like an endless discussion, and that I can be sure of. It also feels like a pointless one. I feel what I feel, why do I have the need to dissect that fact? Whether or not it originate from me or the movies, does it really matter? Of course not, that much I can be sure of.

But what else am I going to do during this beautiful night?